Great philosophers

I like great philosophers. They summarize complex bundles of feelings and emotions into meaningful sentences. Today I am feeling blue. For no apparent reason. Or reasons I do not care to explore in a ranting, one paragraph blog. It is not consistent blueness but a withdrawal into my head about what direction I want to be going in my life. For the record, I have a good life. I watched penguins yesterday. Little baby penguins dance into sprays of water. I met Myrtle the Turtle who could live to be over a 100 years old. I ate a gluten free brownie in a downtown bakery. I was picked up and swung around on a Boston city street. I barrelled down a hill in the wrong type of skiis and screamed with joy while doing it. I even had the opportunity to get caught up on lazy stay in your pjs and watch online TV for the evening. And still I feel sad. Here is where I arrive at philosophy. Spinoza. Baruch Spinoza. What a cool name. Wikipedia introduced me when I googled sadness. That's right. I freaking googled it. And here is what he or she (the name could be either for all I know!) Oh wait, I can google that too. A seventeenth century male philosopher. Go figure for that time period. I digress. HE defined sadness as the “transfer of a person from a large perfection to a smaller one.” How well, um, 'perfect' is that? It doesn't dilute the feeling or make you feel a bit nutso for feeling sadness but calling it what it is. Who doesn't want their life to turn out like they imagine? Mine certainly hasn't yet I am not saying that's not a good thing. However we really need to give ourselves time to catch up with the reality of the situation. My new mantra is living in the moment. I'm not giving up on that goal. What I am giving myself permission for is the wallowing. The embracing the sadness and figuring out what I am sad about. I still dream about a better tomorrow and great loves and mind blowing bouts of sex and laugh out loud funny moments and really yummy chocolatey syrup over really good vanilla ice cream. I can dream about happy, goofy, silly, warm sun on your face moments and at the same time, sulk and mope about for the last three hours in my pjs and listen to songs playing on Grey's Anatomy asking if love is alive. YES! I just wish I felt it wrapped around me in moments when I am feeling blue. LIke now. Now would be nice.